Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s here now, writing to you.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s been over a month since I stopped taking sertraline but why do I still feel side effects like brain zaps and anxiety mood changes? The root cause of anxiety it’s your thinking and I perfectly master that better than before so it’s hard lately.

I was tired of fighting.

I had run out of hope.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Why do men cheat on their wives with someone extremely unattractive?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

2 Jewish delis make the New York Times’ 2025 ‘Best Restaurants in New York City’ list - Jewish Telegraphic Agency

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Hillary thinks we must censor or "we lose total control". Why does she demand total control?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

It’s still here.

You are like me, then.

How do flat Earthers explain the existence of other spherical planets?

And the sadness?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Do girls ever miss their first love?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

I can’t get any girl I want, but I can just get some not my type of girls, so I feel I’m so ugly. What should I do?

Be who you already are.

The sadness was still there.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Billionaire YouTuber MrBeast ‘borrowing’ money from mom for his wedding - New York Post

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

How does one succeed in life?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.